Let's see if I still remember how to do this... I won't even start by "apologizing" or "explaining" why I haven't been writing in this thing-- I don't have to justify my lifestyle to anyone! Ah... if only my lifestyle hadn't slowed down to a snail's pace over the last three weeks, then I could fully embrace the non-justifying of it. Alas, this week has been incredibly slow, filled with indecision and lamentations, questions without answers, turkey, video games, basketball, and the occasional bong rip. I will say this much: stress is real. Now I remember just how much I was able to forget about while I was abroad. While I was running hither and thither to simultaneously educate and corrupt the Korean youth, I was blissfully unaware of the multiple stresses in my American life. Fully immersed in them now, in a precarious state of mind and health (which will remain a vague allusion until more is known) I am of two brains (I would have said 'mind', but I used it earlier in the sentence). On one hand I would like to fly away much like the little starling named Clarice (That's a reference to the Silence of the Lambs, which in itself tells you just about all you need to know about my current condition). This need to travel, as well as work, is completely legitimate-- I have the time and means to travel and teach, the economy in America sucks, I'm not ready to find an apartment in San Francisco and I haven't made any effort to find a job here, since I imagined that I would only be here temporarily, I love to travel, I've got people and family in various cool places, yada yada yada. On the other hand, I feel like going away would in large part be because I've returned to a situation at home which is far more complicated and emotionally-involved than I anticipated, or at least the memory faded with the time and distance I put between it, and I simply cannot deal with it any more constructive manner than to bounce (in the parlance of our times). If I am unable to deal with it now, then when will I be? It could be that this isn't a series of problems which is easily solved, or can even be solved by me to begin with...in any event there are surprisingly few people I can talk to about this situation beyond a couple of my friends, and that irks me. The notion of parents acting like parents (giving advice, offering wisdom and support) has in my experience been just that, a notion. And that transformation and transition from mentor and protector to peer and finally to someone dependent on the child is supposed to be gradual and easy, but that's really not the case here. There are all sorts of roles being reversed and twisted and plenty of hot infantile action-- all told it's a veritable Confucian nightmare. Whatever, I don't mean to bitch about these things: not only have I not made clear what the various issues are, but I am just humble enough to realize that it could be worse. And of course what better time than late November than to be thankful for what I have and so on and so forth it being Thanksgiving and what not. On the other hand, just to indulge my self-indulgent lamentations... the Pilgrims did give the double gift set of small pox and cholera to the Red man, truly the gifts that keep on giving, at least until a vaccine is discovered. John Smith at some point had his way with the lithe and nubile Pocahontas (at least in cartoon form) and the white people celebrated this union not only with sweet potatoes, but also with the systematic decimation of the Injun. So there are two sides to every story (three if you're an Extreme fan) and that's just what this entry is about, you see. The dualistic nature of the beast. The twin essence of everything. the Yin and Yang, the Pro-Choicers the Pro-Lifers, the less-filling proponents and the taste-great contigent, all fighting the good fight. Again, whatever. I guess I'll just post old e-mails from now on, because this is just a mess. And Happy birthday to all you fucking November people, I just can't keep up with you people any more.