Hello. Better weather make Andrew feel good again. Good sun dry away all the acid rain, and I saw my second nba playoff game on tv last night. And all I had to do was wait until 2:30 am to watch it. Caveman speak is all the rage amongst me and my caveman friends these days-- my English skills are rapidly dissapating, or as my roommate would say, "me no speaky good". The Giants got no-hit this morning. That wasn't pleasant. My friends Fenton and Lorrie work for this crappy school for toddlers called "Kids Club". I would tell you more about it, but the first rule about Kids Club is that you don't talk about Kids Club. Unfortunately, the second rule of Kids Club is that you don't talk about Kids Club. I will just say that the notion of sending a thirty-six month old child to an English academy to do anything other than soil themselves willy nilly about the classroom is a bad idea. But I've said too much. I got a letter from Robin in Haiti, and an e-mail from Cia in New York. They were nice. And so forth, and so on.

Hey. Sorry for the lapses. Crappy weather has been bumming me out, but on a positive note, I think I'll have a green belt in Tae Kwon Do next week, which is sweet. Also I should be taking a trip to Thailand to meet up with Zach which should be spectacular. Also the pictures are fixed (thanks Caleb). I find the one's of baseball to be particularly cogent in these troubled times of war and airborne viruses. Otherwise, I don't know, time just keeps moving. I think my trip to the states kind of took me out of the groove I was in here, but I'm still glad I made the trip. I've been in Korea for about six months now, and I'm still digging it, although I've been really isolated since I've been back. I blame society, and also the media. There's something wrong with the "n" key on my computer. Peace

Today was a beautiful day. It began when I awoke freakishly early to the blaring, monotonous drone of loudspeaker-equipped trucks peddling bananas up and down my street. Then came the chickens-- those small Korean cocks crowed loudly, incessently, with a sense of urgency that only small Korean cocks can muster. Oh what the hell, I'll say it again: the small Korean cocks, how they do crow. I did some cooking, some cleaning, some laundering, some pondering and finally made my way to the gym for an early workout. My brown bandana caused quite a stir with the middle aged women treadmilling alongside me. Label me a fashion misfit, if you must. There was some not-so-subtle giggling when my shorts inadvertantly dropped below the danger zone (the 38th parallell if you will), and so I quickly adjusted them to their proper place, somewhere above the navel. After my scandalous workout session I headed back home for a quick bite and the last few innings of the Giants game, another victory I might add. Now it was time for some half-assed tutoring. I would have used my whole ass, by it was still smarting from my earlier public de-pantsing. Imagine my dissapointment when the Pez dispensers I dispensed to my students were met with an indicepherable, but clearly dissapoined, series of clicks and grunts, which I can only assume was some form of language, most likely Korean. Can't you people at least pretend to enjoy your Pez? Most kids would be thrilled to consume a tangy candy treat issued to them via a plastic animal head delivery system. It seems so natural to me, why it's the purest form of horticulture since hunting and gathering. Anyway, then I headed to school. In my first class, I was hanging with the cool kids, sitting near the window and enjoying the beautiful sunshine, occasionally yelling at confused pedestrians below, when one little girl said that today should in fact be Sunday rather than Wednesday because it was so sunny outside. You're very adorable, I thought. Then the boy with Tourette's syndrome picked his nose and offered me his snot. No thank you, I said, and then I struck him repeatedly with a rolled up text book. What? I did it lightly! You goddam puritans with your "standards" and your "ethics," why I bet you even frown on spousal abuse, you freaking hippies. Anyway, work continued somewhat normally from then on. This week I'm writing report cards, in English, for the small percentage of parents who can both understand the language and read my handwriting. Anyway the report cards are essentially censored, because the "administration," and I use that word in the loosest sense imaginable as it consists of a bizarre fundamentalist women with horrible teeth, does not want any parent to be so concerned with their child's progress in Enlgish that they might remove him or her from our esteemed institution. So I have to find ways to subtly insert critical remarks within my reports in the guise of overwhelming praise in order to avoid the watchful eye of the censor, who speaks very little English herself, by the by. Here's an example: "Kim blank blank is an excellent reader with strong writing and spelling skills. His pronunciation is improving everyday. Incidentally, he might consider not grabbing his classmates' penises during class. Great work!" Good times, good times. So after work I went to Tae Kwon Do, where everything I did felt like a Tae Kwon Don't. After two weeks of doing no kicking at all (except kicking it with the homies as well as kicking it old school) my body didn't feel too great, but I persevered. Then the grandmaster's youngest son offered to pee in a small coffee cup for me. At first I was going to politely decline, but then I thought, hey, let's see where this is going. Worst case scenario, the kid pees in the cup, I send it to the lab, we run some tests and find out if he's doping. Then we screen it for Korean Insane Deviancy Syndrome (KIDS). Everybody wins. By the way the kid is seventeen. Just kidding. He's actually 5, which in real life is close to 3 and a half. All this brings us up to date, 2:45 am, and I have spent the last hour and half blogging, and then retyping the blog because it got erased, but these stories must be told. Good night.

Dan-thanks for the rules.
Al-thanks for the site.
Kyle- I'm sorry, man. I'll be in touch.

galleries updated, but they have issues. I'm working on it.

Marvin Benard: you are my Nicaraguan hero.

It was the best of timezones, the worst of timezones. Now I'm back in Asia, where yellow fever and SARS are equally contagious and the non-potable water flows like potable water. Thank you to all of you I saw in the city who made my visit so worthwhile, I am in dire need of sleep, I just wanted to let everyone know that despite my extensive time-travelling, numerous breaches in the time-space continuum, and homeland security alert: yellow, I made it back okay. Updates this week will have pictures and funny stories from my memorable flight from SFO to Incheon. Peace

I'm at Incheon airport right now, "sampling" the new pentium chips at a computer kiosk, and damn it feels good to be a prankster. This is by far one of the coolest airports I've ever been to- it has everything you look for in a plane landing/flying place (Funny, there aren't really any synonyms for "airport"): talking toilets, english speaking people, free internet access, Outback Steakhouse and Sudden Acute Respitory Syndrome as far as the mouth can breathe. I wasn't sure if I should declare my Chinese Yellow dust at customs, I just let my pink-eyes do the talking for me. Conjunctivitis truly is the universal language, and all you Esperanto enthusiasts can take that to the bank. The money bank. Speaking of- Should I exchange money? Stupid inflated Korean currency makes it difficult to divide quickly. Hopefully the Giants remain undefeated during my flight, though they're not scheduled to play until tomorrow afternoon you never know, the Brew crew can be pesky, what with their beer-brewing powers. America looms: Asaa!

Fenton: I'm bringing back bbbq chips and root beer for you, my friend. The extra 'b' is a typo.
p.s. Hi Susan!

Round Eye Contracts Pink Eye

That's right. I have acute sinusitis, acute rhinitis, viral and allergenic conjuctivitis.
Now, who wants a hug?
All in a day's work, my friends. And to answer the question I know you're asking, yes my illness is caused by airborne viruses carries by shifting sandstorms in the Chinese deserts that have blown into Korea. And no, I hope it is not that crazy Asian pneumonia that is all the rage in Thailand and Vietnam. Hello Kitty eye-patches for the rest of the week. Cheers!